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OVERLOADED

by DELANILA

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1.
The Philosopher 04:09
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He’s always talking, nothing to say Mindless, wasting my time And ordinarily I’d stay in my own lane But somehow I can’t escape his name Like a ringmaster, holding court Surrounded by his knaves I see him hanging on his puppet strings and I I can’t believe the way he holds the stage Lying loudmouth (Too dumb for self-doubt) Shameless games of selling pageantry got you this far And when it all comes crashing down What goes around’s gonna come around I’ll be down in the dark watching vicariously Keep tuning in to watch you burn I get tired of your feigned sincerity Life arranged in rows so carefully Yet still I spend this restless eve square-eyed until my fingers bleed Lost inside your false reality I’m writing notes from the underground What goes around’s gonna come around Safe in my dark hole smiling sanctimoniously Keep tuning in to watch you burn And when you’re on your own Is life rose-coloured as it seems? That winning smile I see is proof of your idiocy I knew you long ago But now your show’s just orchestration An overcompensation Just let it go ///
2.
I Get Bored 04:40
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They cut me up because I paid them to A strange and modern understanding And if this medicine were good for me Why am I knocked flat on my back? I cannot withstand another second of this rollercoaster Running round inside my head I cannot withstand this creeping feeling of exasperation When will this insane ride end? ‘Cause I get bored (The bomb in my brain) I get bored (Alight and engaged) I get bored (I get tired of life in slow motion) I get bored (I’m on fire like a quiet explosion) They say soon I’ll be up and running But for now I am climbing up the walls Wondering how such energizing sunlight Could have me cornered in the dark And I cannot withstand Another second of this rollercoaster Running round inside my head I cannot withstand this creeping feeling of exasperation When will this insane ride end? ‘Cause I get bored (The bomb in my brain) I get bored (Alight and engaged) I get bored (Dive deeper into desperation) I get bored (Still waiting for the detonation) I’m all broke down feeling high and Stitched back together in silence All Frankensteined up, looking lifeless Counting down the seconds as the pressure grows ‘Cause I get bored (The bomb in my brain) I get bored (Alight and engaged) I get bored (Intoxicated by medication that I require) I get bored (I’m on fire like a cut live wire and I I’m gonna explode soon) ///
3.
Never Enough 04:56
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When will this hunger be sated? It’s consuming me Holds me down like an anchor Lost my autonomy ‘Cause I’ve been flying so hard With these furled up wings Upward bound in this never-ending whirlwind Losing control of everything It’s never enough It’s never enough And the higher that I climb the more I wonder when I’ll be satisfied It’s never enough I keep compensating This desire runs deep Coming closer to the root of this ambition Burning recklessly I’ll take my frustration To this overblown machine Where constant messages all tell me to keep pushing Until I succeed It’s never enough It’s never enough And the further that I fall what I was looking for gets harder to recall It’s never enough I wish I could ignore this feeling I want more Edging into this black hole Been counting down the days feeling like they’ve gone to waste Head racing out of control (Time’s running out) I just can’t wait ‘til I’ve won (Time’s running out) I’ve lost my way but I’m done (Time’s running out) Living in slow motion (Time’s running out) I’ve gone too far down this road (Time’s running out) I’m standing shaking on my own (Time’s running out) On the edge of this explosion (Time’s running out) I just can’t wait ‘til I’ve won (Time’s running out) I’m at my limit but I’m done (Time’s running out) Living in slow motion ///
4.
Turning on the TV 04:56
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I took the long road Back to my cold home All alone in the dark Walking through rainfall Opened my heavy doors Shut them right up again I hope nobody calls I won’t be waiting for Their uninspiring plans I’m feeling used and I I’m so confused and I I lost my fire again So I turn on the TV It’s something to distract me When I get low I’m at the end of my rope And I’m tired of trying to let go But now the TV’s on I can ignore that things are falling apart My digital salvation I tried to turn it off But I feel so bored and lost I need this light in the dark I think I found god Or something close enough In syndication and plastic parts So I turn on the TV It’s something to distract me When I get low I’m at the end of my rope And I’m tired of trying to let go But now the TV’s on I can ignore that things are falling apart My digital salvation I’m avoiding all that life is Down in the dark there’s no release Watching like a junkie I hide behind my blue screen Killing time I need change I wanna be saved I’m feeling insane All alone I’m at the end of my rope And I’m tired of trying to let go But now the TV’s on I can ignore that things are falling apart My digital salvation I want salvation I want salvation I want salvation I want salvation ///
5.
Interlude I: Signals 00:49
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6.
Fading On My Own 04:02
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Here starts the end of you and me Watch distant nights fade into memories Soon we’ll be strangers drifting blind When all we are is gone and left behind I could erase the things I’ve done Hide them away ‘til they become A hole that grows from the inside And pull me down and overruns my mind In a moment I’ll be waiting here and fading on my own In a moment I’ll be fading on my own Wish I could hide what I must tell Guilt leaves me blind, an empty shell And in a moment I’ll be fading on my own Fading on my own And as you leave your footsteps fade You’re barely whispering a word The wall between us dark and grey Grows ever high with every word I say In a moment I’ll be waiting here and fading on my own In a moment I’ll be fading on my own Wish I could hide what I must tell Guilt leaves me blind, an empty shell And in a moment I’ll be fading on my own Fading on my own Please won’t you wait Can’t be this moment writes our fate I’m fading please I’ll give you anything you need In a moment In a moment I’ll be fading In a moment In a moment I’ll be fading In a moment In a moment I’ll be fading ///
7.
Time Slips Away 05:06
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Time slips away I’m on my own in this wireless cage Gone and lost my way Got isolated in the loneliest places I wonder when I’ll wake up When I’ll open my eyes Watching friends fade into the strangest lives Time slips away Inconsequential, it slithers like a snake Stare at my hollow windowpane Watching the world as it disintegrates I wonder when I’ll wake up When I’ll open my eyes It’s all turned into something that I don’t recognize Is this all that my life is? Wired in and disconnected Wasting time in the silence I’m so tired, uninspired Lost in my hologram world (My hologram world) Time slips away And all this change starts looking the same Another restless day Wish I could slow down, get out of the race I’d like to turn the noise off Feel the sun outside Nothing feels real with all these screens I hide behind Is this all that my life is? Wired in and disconnected Wasting time in the silence I’m so tired, uninspired Lost in my hologram world Can anybody reach me? Is anybody there Can anybody reach me? I wanna talk to someone ‘Cause I’m on my own My own My own My own Here in my hologram world
8.
Interlude II: Overture 01:18
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Written by Danielle Schwob Produced by David Bottrill and Danielle Schwob Additional Producer, Pearse MacIntyre Mixed by David Bottrill Mastered by Emily Lazar Danielle Schwob, Programming, String Orchestrations, Synthesizer, Additional Editing Strings: Violin: Jennifer Choi, Fung Chern Hwei, Lauren Cauley, Cornelius DuFallo, Cyrus Beroukhim, Jesse Mills Viola: Andy Lin, William Hakim, Lev ‘Ljova’ Zhurbin Cello: Yves Dharmaraj, Peter Sachon, Wendy Law Recorded at The Bunker, NYC Mixed at Mainstation Music, Toronto Mastered at The Lodge, NYC
9.
Overloaded 04:29
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I wish that I could be much stronger Not be persuaded by this wireless poetry I wish that I could tear myself away Not be placated by such temporary things But I can’t escape My eyes are glazed So I go down this hole again I’m feeling overloaded and my mind is numb But I just can’t move ‘cause the screen is on I’m feeling overloaded and my brain is numb But I just can’t move ‘cause the screen is on I wish that I could occupy my time With days on hilltops and trails and rooftops singing I wish that I were not so boredom thriving Paid no attention to the lonesomeness inside But I can’t escape My eyes are glazed So I go down this hole again I’m feeling overloaded and my mind is numb But I just can’t move ‘cause the screen is on I’m feeling overloaded and my brain is numb But I just can’t move ‘cause the screen is on And as I step outside The light of the modern day It blinds me cowering from it Alone in my wireless cave We’re in the future This is the future I’m feeling overloaded and my mind is numb But I just can’t move ‘cause the screen is on I’m feeling overloaded and my brain is numb But I just can’t move ‘cause the screen is on I’m feeling overloaded and my mind is numb But I just can’t move ‘cause the screen is on I’m feeling overloaded and my brain is numb But I just can’t move ‘cause the screen is on I’m feeling overloaded I’m feeling overloaded I’m feeling overloaded I’m feeling overloaded
10.
Always In My Head 04:55
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What are you looking for, black eyes sunk in your face? All tied up inside your head You’re full of nothing so disgusting, I offend you But you can’t leave me alone Today you love me then you hate me then you love me You lift me up, to bring me down again A little broken, always choking like a monster I’m blinded by intensity And as you shimmer I grow dimmer here beside you Swallow every word you say And I don’t want you I am trying to forget you But no one else can make me feel so good You’re always in my head Always in my head (You’re in my head) And even though I know that I should run from this black hole I can’t let you go I got your letters saw the sugar on the table I heard your voice outside the door And if I see you on the street I’ll keep on moving ‘Cause if I stop I’ll never go Communicati-on off and on it’s on again I wish I could but it’s not meant to be You’re always in my head Always in my head (You’re in my head) And even though I know that I should run from this black hole I can’t let you go I can’t escape you Your black clothes on the floor I fascinate you ‘Cause you can’t bear to be ignored How this wild hurricane Pulled me in yet again I just can’t explain You’re always in my head Always in my head (You’re in my head) And even though I know that I should run from this black hole You won’t let me go ///
11.
Interlude III: People, Machines and the Space In Between 01:45
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12.
It's Been A While Since I Went Outside 04:52
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It’s been a while since I went outside ‘Cause the TV is on and my eyes are wide I’m beginning to feel that this false world is real And I should stay inside It’s been a while since I said a word All these hours on my own, feeling restless and spurned But I’m never alone I’ve got friends in the shows And they’re not going anywhere Hold on while I go Hold on while I go Hold on while I go While I go back I go back to sleep It’s been a while since I felt awake Tired of losing control, time’s running away Tried to climb my way out from this dark hole of doubt But I’m not going anywhere Hold on while I go Hold on while I go Hold on while I go While I go back I go back to sleep Tell my friends that I’m gone And I won’t be back again Tell my friends that I’m gone Please don’t call for me again ‘Cause I’m wired And I’m tired I’m so bored of everything I’m in overload I’m in overload Hold on while I go Hold on while I go Hold on while I go While I go back I go back to sleep ///

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released May 1, 2020

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DELANILA New York, New York

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